Love Yourself.

First and foremost, I need to apologize for the lack of postings! I've been utterly busy --- actually, trying to stay busy so that I don't miss home too much. :( I've actually been in a rut lately, emofied, mad, sad .... I just missed home so much and started to hate having to be here. 

I've been having to drive out to Davenport once a week for Basic Traning for work. Davenport is about an hour away, East towards Chicago. I've never been to Davenport, so I was excited when we were let out early on the first day because I love exploring new places! 

The funky panaromic view from the Sky Walk. Davenport is one of the Quad Cites between Illinois and Iowa. Across the river in the picture is actually Illinois. 

Sky Walk

Also in Davenport, I found a large asian grocery store that had these gems :). 

Good to know we won't have to drive 1.5 hours to Des Moines for Filipino goodies. 

Although I had a great time sight-seeing, on my way home, just about a couple miles onto the main interstate, I got a flat tire :( I had to pull over on the interstate and had to call ToyotaCare for roadside assistance. I was alone, an hour away from home, in an unknown area, and it was dark and to top it off, it started to rain --- not even a soft sprinkle, it really started to pour. 

At first, I was like, no problem, this is nothing. It could be worse, LOL. But then, I started watching all the cars in my rear-view mirror. There were TONS of big rigs and those gigantuan monsters scare the pewp outta you when you are sitting in a helpless car as they speed by at 60-70 miles per hour. Then you know all those shows that show cop car dash cams happen to catch an accident happen -- most times a driver runs into the car parked on the roadside? I kept imagining that would happen to me... so I was scared out of my mind! 

About an hour later, ToyotaCare arrived and changed my tire. Thunder and lightning wanted to ruin my night even more (I HATE thunder and lightning) and I drove all the way home going 55 mph cause of my dummy tire with my hazards. There were times it was raining so hard that the windshield wipers could not keep up to wipe all the water away and I couldn't see anything in front of me. At some point, I started crying (mostly because I was so scared I wouldn't make it home), but also because I missed home. I was crying and saying, "eff this, i hate it here, i want to go home". LOL... you would've laughed at me, seriously, I was being such a baby. 

Anyway, I think this day triggered my almost-depressive state. For a few weeks I was sad, I was letting every little thing bother me, I would complain a lot, I would come home from work and just lay in bed and sulk. I even rescheduled my NCLEX-PN exam because I didn't care to study enough and was not ready at all. I blamed myself for everything. I felt like i was not a good friend, a good wife, a good employee, a good person -- a good anything. You'd hate being around me if you were here, LOL. I felt so bad for the hubs, but he is so focused on school and a very strong person --- he knew I was in a rut and he knew I would come out of it on my own. 

Last Tuesday I was out in Davenport again. Long drives give you lots of time to think. I was browsing Facebook during my drive (I know -- bad habit, but I only do it when there is no cars around me and its a straight road) and I came across an article that a FB friend reposted about loving yourself. I read it and I loved it. Although it talked about loving yourself first before you can fall in love with someone else, I took it as, I have to love myself ---- right now, right here, in order to love LIFE.

i came home that night with a different mindset.

I'm going to close it at that and create a separate post with more updates and pictures :)